“I painted it black. I know how you don’t like normal things.”

things i will never be:

• pretty
• beautiful
• gorgeous
• stunning
• skinny
• amazing
• smart
• sexy
• cute
• happy
• wanted
• loved

and it hurts knowing this.  cuz it's fucking true. right now i just want to binge and throw it all up but i've brushed my teeth so i can't. which i guess is both a good and a bad thing. in a twisted way. all  i want is to be skinny so i don't have to worry about gaining weight all the time, counting calories, working out like a fucking mental person till i pass out, not eating over 500 calories a day, throwing up all the time, binging. fuck my life.

i just want to be perfect, is that too much to ask for?